i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
