Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
