Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
