Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
