Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
