i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
