The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Randomize
