i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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