I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
