im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
