Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
