her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
