wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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