Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
