Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
