If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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