my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
