oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
false alarm. still invincible.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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