i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
