woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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