I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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