I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
