bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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