im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
