went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
