please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
