he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
