Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
