I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
