he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
