Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
