I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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