Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
