Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
