She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Panties = found
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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