The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
