so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
