Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
