Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
