Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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