i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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