Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
