I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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