true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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