I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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