college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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