I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was born a porn star she said
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
