Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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