R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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