If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had sex on a roof
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
