That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
