sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
